How My Body Speaks… About Being a Fake:

I've always felt like a jack of all trades; I know a little about a lot of things, but knowing a little - and guessing at the rest - made me feel unsure and insecure. And when I’ve learned a skill or profession, I learn to do it well enough but not so I could excel.

In short, I created a façade to prevent the embarrassment of not knowing things that I thought everyone at my age already knew - a character. The experience in my body was a presentation of knowing about myself, while actually feeling internally crippled.

It felt like I in-formed myself the best I could, filling myself in with wet, pulpy newspaper; dense and heavy, weighing me down like a cast, all actual information indecipherable and invented - like me.

Prior to SPRe, I couldn’t even name this, let alone know this way of being had an origin - my home of origin.

“I can finally read myself in any given moment, essentially giving me a legend to reference and know that I have true north inside of me, trust. ”

Data alone doesn’t build strength, data with connection to another can. Although we have the internet now, full of data to absorb, the job of a parent is to help a child's for-mation by being interested, and providing input, feedback, and even push back. A physicality the internet can’t provide!

Are you faking it to make it?

I don't remember my parents telling me things, or asking me what I thought, or giving me input on what I did, or said, or who I was. I don't remember asking them curious questions about anything.

Without the invested listener that asks and offers we can’t build the muscles we need to live and thrive in the real world. Data alone doesn’t build strength, data with connection to another can.

The SPRe process was the catalyst for naming this; giving me a slow discovery and recovery of my authenticity and the bravery to ask when I need to.

And that’s what my body did when I admitted to faking it….it started feeling real, like I have real words that inform and create an internal map, giving me guideposts to navigate through the world.

I can finally read myself in any given moment, essentially giving me a legend to reference and know that I have true north inside of me, trust.